Ok , so far you've read about my big stack. Now on to recovery phase.
So I'm back home, flat on my back in bed and unable to move much. Lisa would set me up with food, drink and drugs before she would go off to work so I was set for the day. Those first few days I was in and out of sleep all day (dosed up on drugs) with just the TV for company. Daytime tv sucks! I'm also stuck in a neck collar 24/7 and despite it being a soft collar, its constant pressure on my collar bones was really painful. REALLY painful.
After a few days home I managed to get up and move about the apartment a little. I hopped on the scales out of curiosity and to my amazement I was down to 88kg! As exciting as this was, I knew it wouldn't last given I would be off the bike for a few weeks.
Then I went into hospital for my follow up appointment. The doc took one look at me, consulted my scans and told me another 8 weeks before any riding what-so-ever. My heart sank when he told me this news. I asked if I could sit on the bike on the trainer inside but I got a firm NO!
FUCK!
And so I tried to just move on with my life but it was getting me down. REALLY down. All my friends and Lisa were out riding each morning while I was stuck doing nothing. Lisa would get back from rides all happy and hyped up and it would kill me to see what I was missing out on. After a while I drove out to meet the MRR crew at the cafe but mostly it just made me feel worse to see what I was missing out on. It sucked!
Around this time a few people I know had some back stacks also and they sustained pretty bad injuries (worse than me). And while I felt fortunate to get off pretty lightly, it WAS killing me inside to see my goals slipping away from me. Sure it "could" have been so much worse, but that fact was- I was still watching my hard earned weight loss and fitness slipping away from me.
I had hopes of getting back on the bike about Christmas time and regaining my race fitness in time for Baw Baw but I just didn't know what to expect.
Then one evening, I decided to ignore an overly cautious doctors advice and set up my bike on the trainer with a clothes rack to hold onto (the same way Anna Meares set up her trainer after she broke her neck - see above photo). It felt sooo good to move my legs again but I could see how much I had lost even in that 15 min session. Me pedalling was clunky, my bum hurt and as I was getting off the bike, my limited movement saw me almost topple over, tweaking my neck in the process. Bugger! :(
Then came my follow up visit to the hospital. I had stopped wearing my brace for the previous week as I felt it was hindering me more than helping me, but I wore it into the hospital to avoid any lecture from the doctor. The head doc told me I could get on the trainer now but no riding on the road for a few more weeks, but deep down I knew my neck felt fine and nothing was going to stop me from riding again.
And so, with a freshly purchased new helmet, I took to the roads on Christmas eve to ride down and meet the MRR crew at the cafe. A mate (Neil) loaned me his old bike to ride as mine was still not repaired from the crash (I discovered more damage than I first thought and was waiting on more parts). As I pedalled down the road and rose out of the saddle to accelerate up a rise for the first time, a HUGE smile spread across my face. I was overwhelmed with joy to be riding again.
At first I took it pretty easy with my rides. Mostly flat riding and shorter distances but at that stage I didn't care. I was happy just to be riding. As things progressed, I surprisingly got faster and stronger quicker than I expected. I was doing far better than I thought I would at this stage of my come back and I was pretty pumped. Even my weight wasn't as bad as I expected - 94kg. I went back out to the Dandenogs for some climbing and after a few trips, I put down a 18.30-ish time which was only 25 seconds slower than my PB. I was chuffed!
Then I got my bike back on the road and it was awesome. I had to replace the entire front end (forks, bars, stem, bar tape, headset, etc) as well as giving the bike a total overhaul (stripped it right back, new BB, cables, etc). The new front end made a huge difference to the bike and it did everything better than ever. A friend gave me his old HR computer so I ditched the old mix of bike computer and HR watch (which had died anyway) and I was very happy with that. A new bike light finished off the cockpit and I could finally see in the dark. Awesome!
But all this joy was to be short lived when things (me) started to fall apart for me again... (to be continued)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Long overdue update - Part 3
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Long overdue update - pt2
In my last post I made mention that a challenge was laid down to me and how it pushed me to new highs. This challenge was (ironically enough given it was held today)- The Baw Baw Classic road race.
It all came about because I was moaning about having to loose weight on Facebook and how I was struggling with it. I "naturally" received a whole bunch of "advice" which, well meaning as it was, was all unhelpful ultimately and a bit frustrating. In the end, Jono Lovelock contacted me and said that I should ignore what was being suggested to me and to just follow what I did to originally loose weight as I knew it worked for me. He also laid down a challenge to me to do the Baw Baw Classic road race as a goal to work towards.
At first I said no way, given the horror stories I had read about it including the tales of many many riders walking up the final climb or taking an hour to ride the last 6km. But being the cheeky bugger that Jono is, he kept teasing me till I took his bait and said yes. However I put one proviso on my taking the bait- when (yes, "when".. positive thinking and all that) I made it to the top, I was going to hunt him down and PUNCH him in the arm for making me do the race.
For those of you who don't know about this race, its an open race over about 100km and it finishes at the top of Mt Baw Baw. Mt Baw Baw is a 6km climb at an average of about 12% gradient. This is STEEP and given that it climbs some tough climbs even before you get to the base, its one tough mofo of a race and something that does NOT suit heavier riders.
And so I had a goal to work towards and one that I knew was going to take a ton of hard work. But I had a plan in place and I set forth to achieve my goal.
At first I told very few people about my goal as I didn't want or need everyone telling me to do this or that. I felt confidant in my plan and I was going to follow my instinct.
I started with plenty of hilly rides- Kinglake, Mt Dandenong and such of the weekends with plenty of MRR rides during the week, with the occasional ATOS rides Thursday nights. Interspersed with this was some Tuesday night rides to Mordi and back with a FAST bunch where I got stronger and stronger, even leading out to the final sprint (couldn't contest- some serious A grade legs in that bunch and I know my limits).
I was getting stronger and faster and I knew it. My weight was also dropping, getting down to 92kg's and feeling better for it). My road races late in the season were good even if my finish in the bunch at the end wasn't podiums or anything, I was a strong worker all race, making break away attempts and chasing down multiple breakaways. My finish didn't matter to me- my work effort was more important to me and for that I felt awesome.
Then one Saturday I set forth to do the Crucifix- a ride that takes in multiple climbs of Mt Dandenong to which I added a few extra climbs for added effect. I did 90% of the ride solo, having said my goodbye to my starting group at the top of the 1:20. I paced myself and finished strong with a total ride of 150km and almost 3km of vertical assent.
But my highlight was an ATOS ride one Thursday night in early October when I was at the front 1/3rd all ride, climbing each climb very strong and powering all the way to the finish, receiving few compliments from other riders after the finish line. Hell yeah! That felt good.
But then it ALL went to shit in one mistake one Wednesday evening.
I was racing the Hawthorn crits on the Kew Boulevard in C-Grade. I was feeling very strong with one rider off the front about 100mts away. He wasn't getting away and I was well within my comfort zone, even though I was doing a fair bit of work on the front.
So as we came into the hairpin in second wheel I decided to put some pressure on up the climb out of the corner to drop off any slackers who were just wheel sucking and to pull the break away in. As I exited he corner I took a tight line and with hands in the drops and standing out of the saddle to power up the climb, I saw a dropped A grader about 40 mts ahead up the hill. "No probs" I thought, "I wont catch him till at least the top of the climb" and I put my head down and poured on the power. So away I go, pedal, pedal, pedal and just as I lift my head to take in the coming bend I see mr A-grader riding at 5kph and just 2mts in front of me!
BANG!
I went straight into the back of him and my world was turned on its head like never before. After the blur that was the crash I was left laying on the ground, feet still clipped in, not quite knowing what was up and down. My arms were searing in pain and my head and neck were feeling very much the worse for wear.
My first thought was one of embarrassment to be honest given I had caused this crash by running into another rider. I remember thinking I hope the guy I hit is ok but then my own pain took over and I was getting a bit freaked out. A bunch of people came running to my aid and they seemed very concerned about me.
I distinctly remember doing a limb check as I lay on the ground- wiggle left foot; tick. Wiggle right foot; tick. Wiggle right fingers; not great but movement was felt- tick. Wiggle left fingers.... wiggle left fingers...... err... "left fingers.. I'm asking you to wiggle... please"...... finally a tiny movement from my index finger and I figured that would do for now.
As I lay there I saw Lisa looking over me as I started to breath fast as I struggled with my pain. A mate was comforting her which eased me a little but oh shit, my arms were in such pain I can't describe it. Think really bad pins and needles and magnify that by 1000!
In my mind I had bones shattered in my arms, sticking out of the skin, given my lack of feeling in my hands. I though- oh this is BAD.
Finally, after what seemed a long wait an ambulance turned up and there was a lot of questions asked of me about my forehead. I didn't feel anything and wondered why they were asking me about it when my arms were my cause for worry. It wasn't till I saw my face in a mirror several days later that I saw the cause for their concern (and this was after the swelling had gone down). Eventually they put me in a neck collar and took me to hospital.
There was drugged up (thankfully), put through test after test and scans and more. I think the worst test was when the specialist stuck a finger up my bum hole to test my muscles down there. "It's ok" I protested, "its working fine- trust me" I said over and over, but no- they were having none of that. I had to be tested. *shudder*
All the while I was immobilised in the neck collar which was pretty painful and caused me to suffer from anxious moments of claustrophobia. To say I was scared was an understatement.
In the end my arms were just ripped to shreds by the bouli road surface and the terrible pain was actually caused by the nerves in my neck when I hit my head on the front on the very forward tip of my helmet, causing my neck to hyper extend backwards with sever bruising and swelling of the spinal cord. This caused such pressure on the nerves down my arms (and in particular my left side) that I couldn't have ANYTHING touch my arms/hand at all. Even the lightest of touch from a sheet was too much to bare.
And so after 3 days flat on my back, unable to move or do anything for myself, I finally got the all clear that nothing was broken and was allowed to move to a soft collar and finally allowed to sit up,move about and- go home!!
I know that I got off lightly but for me, it was a huge shock and I was shit scared all through it.
The end result of this was 10 weeks off the bike, right when I was starting to really power from strength to strength.
FUCK!
(to be continued...)
A long overdue update - Pt 1
Well, it's been a while since I last posted on my blog but none the less, here I am, still alive (just- more on that later) and still cycling.
Hmm.. what's been happening since my last post? Well a lot and not a lot really. My riding and weight loss has hit a wall after a series of setbacks including a loss of self confidence, loss of motivation (loss of confidence = loss of motivation) and a pretty scary crash in October 2009.
But I'll go back to my last post and try and recap what I've been up to since then shall I?
Well 2009 road season was a bit average for me. I did a few road races, got dropped on some and finished strong at others.
A the 3DT I rode ok in the first stage but got shuffled to the rear of the pack on the final climb which was ok enough as I had plenty of time to move back forward before the finish sprint however the pack was so tightly bunched there was no room for me to make my way through (unless I wanted to cross the center line of the road which I made sure I didn't- unlike some other riders *cough cough*).
It wasn't until the pace really picked up in the last 1 km was I able to find room, moving from the tail to the top 1/3rd. I was bit annoyed as I felt like I had TONS of kick in my legs but I just couldn't find space to put it to use. I found out after that a few guys went WAY over the center line in the road (a big no-no) during the sprint (right in front of the officials) and they didn't get pinged for it! WTF?! Yet I was trying to ride fair, picking my gaps, waiting for space and I even called to 2 riders ahead that had a 1.5mt gap between them that I was "coming through the middle", yet I got a talking too. Hmm... Selective officialdom me thinks.
Anyway, I was very happy to finish so strongly and was feeling optimistic for the remaining stages.
Stage 2 was the TT and I had never done a TT before. I rode ok I guess but not what I was hoping for. I finished about middle of the times for C-Grade.
Stage 3 and I just never felt strong. It was cold and wet and miserable. Normally I would relish the conditions but this day I just felt shite and it showed. As we came to the first climb of the second lap, the pack put some pressure on and my legs did not respond. I gritted my teeth, curled my toes and tried to ignore the pain in my legs but all I saw was the bunch pull away from me. I tried in vain to keep the power on over the top of the climb and decent to try and reel them back in but the bunch just got smaller and smaller up the road and then our follow vehicle went around me which totally crushed my spirit.
As I rode along it was a battle in my mind to keep going. I was cold, alone, demoralised and I then dropped my glasses on a fast down hill. Given I was done for I went back to get the glasses. As I picked them up off the empty country road, a rider came screaming down the hill and abused the fuck out of me. Mind you, this guy had a empty country road with a 1km line of sight of me, a ton of room to go around me and was also minutes off the back of the bunch. The thing was I was trying to get the glasses quickly so I could join with him to work together... but yeah.. fuck you too mate!
As I approached Lancefield to begin my 3rd lap I was beaten! I was shivering from the cold, my legs had given up and mentally I was a mess (see photo at the top of this post). I pulled out and cried as I rode very slowly back to the staging area where our car/gear was set up. I felt so bad for pulling out- bad for feeling unable to go on and bad for giving up. I just wanted to hide from the world so badly and I felt embarrassed to ride so feebly.
And so my 3 Day Tour was over for me with the 4th stage still to come. So home I went, tail between my legs, wondering what to do next. I knew hills were my weakness and I had to loose more weight (I was stuck on 98kg for the past 12 months).
And then a challenge was laid down to me, one that would drive me on to new heights and ultimately, an all time low... (see part 2 coming up next).
