A long overdue update - Pt 1

Well, it's been a while since I last posted on my blog but none the less, here I am, still alive (just- more on that later) and still cycling.

Hmm.. what's been happening since my last post? Well a lot and not a lot really. My riding and weight loss has hit a wall after a series of setbacks including a loss of self confidence, loss of motivation (loss of confidence = loss of motivation) and a pretty scary crash in October 2009.

But I'll go back to my last post and try and recap what I've been up to since then shall I?

Well 2009 road season was a bit average for me. I did a few road races, got dropped on some and finished strong at others.

A the 3DT I rode ok in the first stage but got shuffled to the rear of the pack on the final climb which was ok enough as I had plenty of time to move back forward before the finish sprint however the pack was so tightly bunched there was no room for me to make my way through (unless I wanted to cross the center line of the road which I made sure I didn't- unlike some other riders *cough cough*).

It wasn't until the pace really picked up in the last 1 km was I able to find room, moving from the tail to the top 1/3rd. I was bit annoyed as I felt like I had TONS of kick in my legs but I just couldn't find space to put it to use. I found out after that a few guys went WAY over the center line in the road (a big no-no) during the sprint (right in front of the officials) and they didn't get pinged for it! WTF?! Yet I was trying to ride fair, picking my gaps, waiting for space and I even called to 2 riders ahead that had a 1.5mt gap between them that I was "coming through the middle", yet I got a talking too. Hmm... Selective officialdom me thinks.

Anyway, I was very happy to finish so strongly and was feeling optimistic for the remaining stages.

Stage 2 was the TT and I had never done a TT before. I rode ok I guess but not what I was hoping for. I finished about middle of the times for C-Grade.

Stage 3 and I just never felt strong. It was cold and wet and miserable. Normally I would relish the conditions but this day I just felt shite and it showed. As we came to the first climb of the second lap, the pack put some pressure on and my legs did not respond. I gritted my teeth, curled my toes and tried to ignore the pain in my legs but all I saw was the bunch pull away from me. I tried in vain to keep the power on over the top of the climb and decent to try and reel them back in but the bunch just got smaller and smaller up the road and then our follow vehicle went around me which totally crushed my spirit.

As I rode along it was a battle in my mind to keep going. I was cold, alone, demoralised and I then dropped my glasses on a fast down hill. Given I was done for I went back to get the glasses. As I picked them up off the empty country road, a rider came screaming down the hill and abused the fuck out of me. Mind you, this guy had a empty country road with a 1km line of sight of me, a ton of room to go around me and was also minutes off the back of the bunch. The thing was I was trying to get the glasses quickly so I could join with him to work together... but yeah.. fuck you too mate!

As I approached Lancefield to begin my 3rd lap I was beaten! I was shivering from the cold, my legs had given up and mentally I was a mess (see photo at the top of this post). I pulled out and cried as I rode very slowly back to the staging area where our car/gear was set up. I felt so bad for pulling out- bad for feeling unable to go on and bad for giving up. I just wanted to hide from the world so badly and I felt embarrassed to ride so feebly.

And so my 3 Day Tour was over for me with the 4th stage still to come. So home I went, tail between my legs, wondering what to do next. I knew hills were my weakness and I had to loose more weight (I was stuck on 98kg for the past 12 months).

And then a challenge was laid down to me, one that would drive me on to new heights and ultimately, an all time low... (see part 2 coming up next).

A long overdue update - Pt 1